Chapter 3 – We Didn’t Start the Fire
No we didn’t light it, But we tried to fight it
Hunger has caught up with all of us.
Joe has never cooked before, and neither have I. On our planet, meals were prepared for us by the Watchers.
Elana just grabs a bowl of cold cereal and makes her way to the eating nook. “Civilized beings eat hot food,” I murmur. I start counting intelligence points: Aliens: 1, Humans, 0.
Gerard is the first to actually try cooking. Perhaps I can learn more about the human’s preparation rituals.
He viciously beats 2 eggs with a fork. I take notes. “Theory: the human must be certain the eggs are dead and not merely sleeping,” I write. He then heats the eggs to a deadly temperature. This confirms my theory.
But perhaps Gerard is not the master chef I thought. In less than a minute, he sets himself on fire.
“HAASBET HAA,” I hear him scream. Why is he not putting out the fire?
I close my eyes and teleport into the room. I am allowed to interfere “within limits,” and I if interference is ever called for, it is now.
I dutifully put out the flames, starting with Gerard and then moving on to the stove. Gerard just continues to do the “fire dance”. Aliens: 2, Humans, 0.
Gerard sheepishly walks away. “There will be no scrambled eggs for you!” I whisper under my breath.
The fire has made Elana “tense.” She runs through the building with her hands in the “claw” position.
But instead of running away from the fire, she runs right into it. “Human stupidity never ends,” I sigh. Aliens: 3, Humans, 0.
Gerard continues running away from the kitchen as smoke trails off his body.
But on the way to the bathroom to clean up, his bladder gives out.
Now he has grey AND green odors drifting off his body. Aliens: 4, Humans, 0.
Hi gets in the bathtub and for a brief moment, a sense of relief sweeps over him.
But he doesn’t stay in long enough to clean up. Gerard is sleepy.
But mostly sleepy.